Under the weather

Nate is sick and this morning I asked him how he felt. This is how he described it for me:

"If you take a rotten egg and then crack it and mix it in to cookie dough and then eat that cookie dough. ..... that's how I feel....Yucky".

I love the mind of a 5 year old.

Preferential Treatment

So that was Saturday.

Yesterday the boys started swim lessons.

We were running late and arrived just as classes were starting.

I dropped Nate off at his class and ran over to Andy's class.

Pulled off our clothes and shoes.

Jumped in the pool and grabbed Andy.

Of course, he started screaming.

Mom was running around in a whirlwind and somehow he ended up cold and wet in the pool.

If I would have taken 1/2 a second to think about it, I would have talked to Andy about getting in the pool, dipped our toes in, then had him come to me and get in.

No rewind button, so now I am in a pool with a SCREAMING two year old who want nothing more than to get out of this pool NOW. He starts to climb up my stomach to get out of the water. His foot catches on the top of my swim suit and as he shifts his weight and pushes DOWN... so goes my top.

I kid you not.

I am now standing in a pool in waist deep water flashing the 17 year old male instructor with my un-glamorous, 2-children-later- post-nursing-boobs.

I cup myself with one arm (because I am also holding Andy)quickly turned my back only to flash all of the parents watching lessons (and me) from beach chairs.

Was it daddy drop off day?!

I have never seen so many dads at the pool!

Sheesh!

I have to set Andy on the edge of the pool so that I can replace my top, only drawing more attention to myself.

I put my top (and pride) back in place and return to class like no big deal.

And spent the rest of class keeping Andy's feet a safe distance from my suit.

My favorite comments from friends:

"you should definitely get some free classes out of that"

"maybe you will get preferential treatment now"

I definitely got a lot of smiles from the sidelines from moms, dads and babysitters alike.

Or were they smirks......

I don't care who you are, that's funny right there

Here is why I always travel with a change of clothes for the boys in a zip lock bag.

Or usually do.

It's Saturday night.

The boys have allowance money burning a hole in their pocks.

We decide to walk up to the game store at the mall (which conveniently sells Legos)

Almost there.

Andy declares he has to poop.

No surprise there.

We tell him we are almost there and he can go potty at the mall.

"Okay".

Not wanting to push our luck and get all the way to the mall bathrooms we stop at the first store we pass, Kohl's.

Kohl's customer service, this is not your lucky day.

Or mine.

We enter the stall.

I start to pull down Andy's shorts only to find them caked with poop.

Not a good sign.

Next I peel his undies off of him and you know what I found in there.

I think I started saying something like, "ahhhh ahhh oh man Andy! Andy! Andy!"

I think Andy said something like, "there's poop!"

(and of course, the stalls are full of people)

After the initial panic I kick in to mom-mode.

I take off his shoes.

Peel off the shorts.

Peel off the undies (which caused poop to spread all the way down to his ankle. There was so much and it was all over, there was no clean way to get about this.)

I set the undies on top of the shorts as to not get poop all over the floor too.

Unfortunately, my precautions were needless. Andy had bumped into the wall and toilet multiple times as he balanced on one leg while I undressed him.

Poop everywhere.

And he says he has to poop still.

Seriously?!

I quickly put him on the toilet.

Oh no!

I hadn't wiped Andy off!

Now the toilet is COMPLETELY covered in poop.

I tell Andy to STAY THERE!

Luckily, one of those unfortunate bistanders in the bathroom was a Kohl's employee. I asked her to have Chris paged back here. (I wonder if she had pieced together what was going on).

Chris came back.

"GO BUY UNDIES AND SHORTS!"

(I forgot to add "on sale")

Ugh! Remember how I always pride myself in carrying extra emergency clothes for the boys in a plastic ziplock for occasions just as such.

Not today.

Okay.

Go team.

Done pooping (no, there was not actually any left in him)

At least I brought my baby wipes.

Scrub Andy from the waste down.

Use 1/2 a package of wipes.

He's clean.

Nate delivers the goods.

Get Andy dressed.

Send him out with Nate.

I tossed Andy's old undies in the garbage and his shorts in the Kohl's bag

(after I rinsed them out in the sink- super gross, I know. Sorry Kohl's janitorial service. I did wipe out the sink with 3 baby wipes though).

I will be honest.

I contemplated just leaving right then.

Leaving that poop bomb for someone else to deal with.

But I couldn't.

I went to work scrubbing the walls, toilet and floor of that stall with the other 1/2 of that baby wipes package.

I don't think I will ever go in to one of the "small stalls" again. It is so hard to maneuver in emergency situations such as this in a tiny 3x4 space. Totally not your fault you bumped in to every surface spreading your poop everywhere, Andy. THESE STALLS ARE TOO SMALL!

When I was satisfied with my cleaning job, I washed my hands and tossed the Kohl's bag back to Chris.

I needed to go potty (not that kind).

And no, I did not use that stall.

Oh, and it get's better.

When I came out of the bathroom for the final time Chris points to the floor.

A big brown glop.

"Is that..."?

"yeah and people keep stepping in it"

sure enough there were track marks all over the store.

I thought about getting the wipes back out but Chris told me he notified Customer Service.

I asked if he told them what it was.

He said no

I said "then let's get out of here"

And we followed the poop tracks back to the door.

(The reason it was the best decision to go to Kohl's... what would I have done if we were in the food court bathroom?.... I didn't even have a blanket to wrap his naked bum in... I guess I could have used my scarf...)

Today

True or False?

1.When Nate's friend tried to persuade Andy to stay in his room while said friend and Nate went down to the basement to play (so they could play alone), I overheard Nate say, "Declan, Andy is my braaaaw- thur. That means we are best buddies" and then put his arm around Andy's shoulder and said, "Come on Andy, you can come to the basement with us".

2. I found a suspicious puddle on the stairs that I am pretty sure is pee.

3. While squatting on the kitchen table Andy exclaimed, "there's pee-pee on the table, Mom". Sure enough, there was.

4. Nate asked me to sing the Star Wars theme and then , after I "passed", the Indiana Jones theme. He started to sing along with me with a huge smile on his face. So glad I had brothers so I know this stuff.

5.. Tonight as we were baking dinner and cookies for Chris (which we were then going to take up to him) Nate asked, "Sooo..... does Dad live at work now?" Though I choked on my words and my heart stopped, I calmly smoothed things over by replying, " No, he comes home every night and goes right in to your room. Tucks you in. And kisses you and Andy. The he stands there for a minute and just watches you guys because he missed you so much all day.

All true.

(and don't tell Chris about the dad living at work thing. It would break his heart)

Conversations with a Four Year Old

Nate: Dad, you should get a Smart Car

Dad: What? A Smart Car? Why?

Nate: Because they only fit one person and you only drive one person to work so it's perfect!

Nate: Why does Dad want to learn Spanish?

Me: Because he wants to be able to communicate with more people in the world.

Nate: Well, why doesn't he learn Chinese then? Most people in the world speak that.

Me: ..... (how does he know this?!)

Life As We Know It

Chris has been working every waking hour. I kid you not. I see him for 10 minutes after he gets out of the shower while we do scriptures and prayer and he wrestles his way out the door (while the boys cling to each leg and I stuff breakfast in his mouth).

The more competent he becomes at work, meaning, the more he learns, improves, etc. the more work he gets. He has made a lot of sacrifices the last year and a half to come home for an hour for dinner to see the boys and then returns back to work after they go to bed.

The last few weeks he hasn't even been able to do that.

How are we dealing with it?

Running around in our underwear (notice I am the only one with pants on in pictures below)

Tearing up the house ( as displayed below.. and their bedroom.. could not even see carpet- every inch of it was covered in LEGOS!)

And eating junk food (waffles for dinner. yeah, i'm that cool of a mom) (... and this would be the reason I needed to by that jogging stroller...)

two funny stories

While cleaning up lunch, the following conversation occured:

Nate: "Mom, do you know about those diarrhea blimpy kid books?"

Me: ...... (all of the entries in "the diarrhea diaries" (believe me, we had many last month) are flashing through my mind simply at the mention of the word "diarrhea" but that doesn't seem to be what he's thinking of)

Me:.... what? Will you say it again?

Nate: DIE- A- REEE- AHHHH BAAA LLLLLIMP PEEEE KID!!!!

Me: ( I try really hard to not ever laugh at my kids, but I just couldn't help it, and once I started, I was hysterical. )

Once I regained composer I was able to ask, "Do you mean Diary of a Wimpy Kid?"

Nate: ....... nooooo mom. It's Diarrhea Blimpy Kid! Anyway, do you know about that book?

(end scene)

Tonight while lying down with Andy (Chris and Nate are at Father's night at school. Bless his heart, he made it.. just barely.. but he made it!), I was pretending to be asleep (a trick that usual works and gets him to go to sleep) he said, "mom, open your eyes! I wanna look at dem" I did and he studied them for a minute and they he said, " MOM! They're BROWNIES!!" (yeah, I told you we've been eating a lot of junk food lately)

And lastly, for school they interviewed the kids about their dads (for Father's Night) and when Nate was asked how old his dad was Nate said, "I think he's nine..... Is that old?" Tonight we were talking about it and Nate asked Chris how old he was. Chris said "twenty seven". Nate's eyes got really big and he said, "WOW! That's as old as an adult!" Again, couldn't stop from laughing at that one either.

(pictures get less focused, but more adorable as you go)

( yeah, I'm that good at using my camera. I know, you're jealous)

Speaking of said jogging stroller. The run was a little rough. First, there's still snow all over, and where there isn't snow, there's ice. Oh yeah. Forgot about that little detail in my excitement to get out and run again.

Also, it is really, really hard to turn. Really.

And, the seats don't recline very deep.

But

-The boys still fell asleep in it yesterday afternoon when I took it out (and stayed asleep).

-It has great storage (individual mesh pockets on the back of each kid's seat that are good size and a zipper compartment in each one which I love for holding keys, phone, money, etc. All this as well as a basket underneath) (and now you all know where I hold my money and keys when I run so you can rob me).

-The canopies adjust individually and at 3 different extensions. The most extended almost covers the entire stroller (think of a baby carrier how it can close over the whole thing, or adjust back to 1/2 way or 1/4 way).

-Major shocks. I ride right over curbs like no big deal- it's just like being on a bike. Little potholes on the sidewalk that can give a normal stroller a bump are not even noticeable.

- The wheel lock release down by the wheels are incredibly easy to release- I know you know what I am talking about, some of those locks give the top of your foot a bruise when you try to pop the release! It's amazing how gentle the release is on this.

- there's a handbrake

- the grip on the push bar/handle bar is rubber and not that foamy crap that rubs off after a few months and leaves you with spotty wear holes down the the metal frame.

It does not fit through door ways and I have to take it apart every day, but it's a snap to put it together and take it apart so it doesn't bother me. Everything about it is really quality. My favorite stroller so far (and I have owned 5)

No Picture Necessary

Well, we are (still) battling the sick bug around here.

Andy ran in to the bathroom today with diarrhea (again).

(thankfully, I was right behind him)

He pulled his undies off immediately, which only made a huge mess from his tail bone to his toes. Then he stepped in the dirty undies on the floor (with both feet) . Let me tell you, cleaning poop in between toes is pretty gross.

Andy was yelling "POO POO!" over and over again.

Nate came in to see what was going on and said,

"Oh great! Now our house is all messy with poop" and walked out of the room.

A few seconds later he stuck his head back in and said,

"see what I did there mom? I used great in the opposite way".

(rewind) a few months ago Nate was asking what sarcasm is. One of the easiest ways to explain it was: to say one thing when you mean the opposite such as, if mom says we have to go clean up all our toys and he responded "fun!", he obviously would not actually mean it; he would mean the opposite. Therefore being sarcastic.

All three of us just started laughing while I cleaned up and threw them in the tub.

I love being a mom, and I don't mean that in the opposite way.

Typical

This morning I threw Nate in the tub as Chris (sick with the flu) was trying to sleep in our bed with Andy (sick with the flu) who was asleep. I was checking my email in our room when Nate burst in and said,

"mom, I need a towel.

There happens to be a lot of water on the bathroom floor.

I used the whole roll of toilet paper to clean it up but it's still wet"

He wasn't kidding

This is not my actually toilet paper roll. This is from the web. I had to post a picture because if I learned on thing in art school it's that images draw attention more that just plain text. Good thing they told me. I had no idea.

If I was to take a picture it would have been of the HUGE wet wad on the floor.

Awesome.

Unfortunately, we probably have not learned the lesson that toilet paper is incredibly nonabsorbent. Fortunately he has also not learned that if you throw wads of wet toilet paper at something, it usually sticks.

In case you were wondering. There is a website called blog.toiletpaperworld.com. Awesome. For your next costume party, you might consider dressing as a toilet check out examples here. I am sure it would be the talk of the party.

At the bottom of the page it says,

"Wouldn’t it be great if you got toilet paper when trick or treating?"

.....

...

..

...seriously?

A first

I just experienced a new first as a mom.

Potty trainee with diarrhea.

Awesome.

Andy tends to take his undies off just before he gets to the bathroom. It's more of a progression really. He decides he needs to go potty- which means he needs to go NOW and then starts running for the potty while working his undies down. Usually they are off just by the time he gets to the potty, but tonight he was particularly efficient and got them off in the carpeted hall before the bathroom. A trail of poop from my hallway all the way up the toilet, all over the seat and from Andy's ankles to his knees. He greeted me by saying, " mom, I need to go poop poop."

Yep. Got that. Thanks.

Chris was had to work tonight (again) and was feeling pretty down about it. I called him and told him about the party he was missing over here.

He immediately felt better.

Happy trails.

Creative story telling... or lying.....?

This just happened:

I made french toast for breakfast.
I syrup-ed and cut up Nate's for him.
He excused himself to go to the bathroom.
When he came back in he said this:

"Mom on my way up to the bathroom Kitty told me that I needed to put more syrup on my french toast.

We have a talking cat! Isn't that crazy.
....
So can I have more syrup?"


I blame his father. He tells him bedtime stories.

Sometimes it's good to be bad...

This afternoon Nate was really missing Chris since he is already locked himself away studying for finals. We were sitting around playing with blocks and listening to Christmas music when he grabbed my hand and pulled me into the kitchen. When we were in the kitchen he told me to pick him up. When I had picked him up he told me to open the freezer. When I opened the freezer he said, "ice cream!" I was so surprised he knew where the ice cream was that I pulled it out and handed it to him. He sat down on the kitchen floor and took off the lid. I figured out his plan, so I pulled out two spoons- a toddler size for Nate and a normal one for me. We ate ice cream for a couple of minutes, Nate saying "dinky" aka "thank you" after every few bites, then he noticed my spoon was bigger! He convinced me to trade, which followed with a big grin and another "dinky". When he had had enough he stood up and said, "ta ta" which means "tubby time" in our house. I thought he must want to get warmed up after eating icecream. We went up and he played in the tub for a while, then he said "gooks" aka books. So we went into his room, jammified him, and read books for about 30 min. Then he got off my lap, went to his crib and yelled "ginky" aka binky. Then it dawned on me- Nate thought ice cream was his dinner! After dinner each night he takes a tub, then we read books, then he goes to bed. He assumed ice cream was his dinner, and then walked me through his bedtime routine! I laughed because it was only 5:30! There was no way I was going to let him go down this early! I convinced him to come downstairs and play with his farm and wait for dad to get home from school. I was also able to get some "real" dinner into that cute little belly. He ate a lot of lasagna thank goodness! Anyway, so I felt like a bad mom for letting my son eat ice cream for dinner.... but it felt so good to sit on the kitchen floor and eat ice cream straight from the tub.