Memorial Day

On our way back to the car, Andy ran up and dropped in front of the news camera and started doing "sand angels". Nate rushed over to join him. The news man turned the camera on them. Instead of going over to get them, I stood and laughed and laughed.

Love those boys.

Love my family.

So happy together.

p.s. Don't you just LOVE the boys' little swim trunks Chris's mom brought back from Greece?

LOVE them!

LOVE those little boy chicken legs :)

Memorial Day weekend

We had a great weekend. Chris's hard work paid off this week. We had him all day Sunday and Monday! His parents came to visit. Lots of picture to download, but it's another beautiful day here (and so far this year it's incredibly rare to have two nice days in a row!) so we are headed outside to enjoy every minute of it! Hope to post tonight.

love,

j.

Truth .... a better description of the truth

Truth is, if you write a bit dramatically on your blog, people will think you are... well, they will be worried about you.

Truth is, I am a drama queen.

....

..

Truth is we did not get summer hair cuts done this morning, and I can probably put Nate's hair in a pony tail now.

Truth is, we had the remaining Redvines for breakfast.

Truth is, I didn't wash my hair today (or shower, for that matter) because we were in a hurry to meet friends at the playground.

Truth is today the workers at the Good Will drop off told me I looked like Jessica Alba, and I kinda loved it (especially since I had not showered).

Truth is, if you let your kids stay up all night, they will forget all manner of civility and become beastly (but you will still love them).

Truth is, if you secretly watch your husband from across the bookstore, you will realize how truly handsome he is.

Truth is, we went out to eat, and only ordered dessert (still celebrating no school :)

Truth is, we had a great night.

(blurry cell phone pics)

Andy kept laying his head on Chris's shoulder.

Melted my heart.

I LOVE FRIDAY NIGHTS WHEN DAD IS HOME!

p.s. I disabled the comment option, so feel free to email me if you want to get in touch. Jen.russell816@gmail.com

More than Words

Chris called at about 8p.m. and said, "I miss you guys. I'm coming home." I said, "Okay, but we can do movie night again tomorrow because tomorrow IS pizza and movie night Friday." He debated, "Well...... let me take a look and see how much I have to do and go talk to (M) and see what he says about this project." Me, "Okay". ..... (3o minutes later). Chris calls, "Did you tell the boys I was coming home? 'sigh'" me, "no." chris, "okay, well, i better stay because there is no way if I don't get this stuff done that I am not going to get in trouble". me "okay. love you".

I passed out somewhere after 10 (andy too). I woke in the middle of the night because in his exhaustion Little Bear (andy) did not get up and go potty. I scooped him up to take him to a dry bed and new undies and saw this.

Chris came home and, whether we were awake or not, joined in on the family sleep over.

Words cannot express how much I love this guy.

Eating my words

Movie night in full swing.

Pretty sure these guys are going to outlast me.

10pm.

3rd movie.

ugh.

rethinking the "stay up all night watching movies" tradition right about now ;)

p.s. Summer hair cuts for the boys will be making their debut tomorrow!

Conversations with a Lawyer

Me: We are going to the lighthouse library (the library downtown) to get movies for an epic sleepover tonight for our end of the school year bash (remember how we use to do that at the end of a semester of undergrad? Go to Walmart and buy a bunch of $5 movies and candy then drag the mattress out in front of the tv and stay up all night watching movies? Tradition must carry on!) . Do you want us to wait and go this afternoon when you can take off a half hour and come with us?

Lawyer: I can't. I just got out of a lunch meeting and lost that time. I have more work that I can possibly get done today.

Me: Okay

Lawyer: I'm not going to be able to come home tonight.

Me: I know.

Lawyer: Or probably tomorrow night.

Me: I know.

Lawyer: And I am probably going to have to work all day Saturday too.

Me: I know.

Lawyer: 'sigh' I love you. I miss you guys.

(turn on speaker phone)

Kids: WE LOVE YOU DAD!!!!! (blowing kisses) Dad did you get all those kisses from me?"

Lawyer: (chuckle). Thanks buddy. I love you.

....

.....

We're flyin' solo this afternoon.

Off to get movies and snacks for "staying up all night long" end of the school year party.

Love,

J.

I know I am lucky

Guys, thank you for your concerned calls, emails, stopping me in the hall at school.

I am alright.

I am more than alright.

I know that I have a great life.

I know that Chris has a great job during a tough economy when many are jobless.

He gets paid enough that we do extra things like save and attack the beast that is student loans.

We still get to see him.

He isn't traveling.

He's alive and healthy.

I know how incredibly blessed we are.

But

Knowing all that doesn't make it suck any less.

The Truth (part 2)

Okay, part 2

why am I blogging this now?

I read a lot of Nie the last few days.

Especially her sister's blog who wrote while Nie was in a coma. (I went back in the archives to the day the accident happened and read forward from there).

I realized it's okay to be honest.

I don't have to only blog about happy life.

It's okay that I am mad as heck and I don't care who knows it.

Because I am.

I am mad at the world for separating us.

I am mad at the ridiculous, inhumane expectations to work 20 out of 24 hours.

Yes, maybe I am naive and irresponsible and want to run away and live off of love and wishes. But that's why we got married so young, right? No amount of time is ever enough together.

Okay, enough with the pity party.

We have a really, really good life. A great life. A perfect life when we are all together.

In fact, it's kind of an off day when my boys don't say at least once, "THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!" or for short simply, "BEST DAY EVER!"

We try to protect the kids as much as possible from the reality of Chris's grueling schedule (although obvi they are aware). We meet for lunch. We make Sunday FUNDAY (as reverently and appropriately as possible, obviously). During the week, the boys and I will take dinner up for Chris to the office. And we always do pizza and movie night Fridays (even if he has to go back to work after). We Skype. We talk speaker phone throughout the day. We paint pictures for dad to take to work. We try to steal time away every day or two for just our family.

Last week before the miserably cold, rainy weather returned we snuck in a lunch break beach day.

It was a "BEST DAY EVER" for sure.

It made me remember all the reasons I love Milwaukee so much.

Like how the lake sounds just like the ocean, so I pretend that it is.

And because I am pretty sure frozen custard is the state food.

Or how we can live in a suburb that feels like a small town, but is only minutes from downtown which makes it possible to meet Chris for spontaneous outings when he can take a quick break.

And that downtown is filled with so many fun things for us to do on lunch breaks: the beach, Discovery World, the Milwaukee Public Museum, the library, the children's museum...

But since we make time for family. There isn't a lot left for us.

Me and the Mr.

Besties.

BFFs

Hence the reason for the pity party. But Nie has inspired me. She does a great job of making a big deal out of the little things: May Day, Back to School, every holiday, etc. Tomorrow is Nate's last day of school. Yes, he only attended two days a week (for 2 hours a day). But it is still cause for celebration so I am signing off because I have a party to plan!

Love,

J.

The Truth

... is out.

I am a wreck.

I don't want to live without Chris.

I don't want to blog.

I don't want to have people come visit.

I don't want to go do anything fun.

I don't want to have friends over.

All things that remind me, "he's not here!!!" and " I wish he was here!"

I am so tired of living without him.

It hurts.

A lot.

Physically.

It makes me tired.

It makes me anxious.

It makes me sad.

It makes me cry.

I have been dragging my feel for the last six months that he has become MIA refusing to "go on" without him. I am like a spoiled little brat whose parents are dragging her out of the house and I am going limp so they have to carry my full weight. I am grabbing on door jams and anything I can get my hands on to stop the progression.

I don't want to go on.

But I have to.

I have these beautiful, amazing, wonderful little boys to make life magical for.

I can give them better than this.

But even as I type this I cringe at the thought of "moving on" without him. I feel like I am "mourning" him and if I stop, he will feel less important to me (I know that's not true, he tells me every day all he wants is for me and the boys to be happy). Nonetheless, I still feel that way. I feel like I am betraying him by moving on. Or, more so, accepting that this is life.

....

...

..

I have two little string beans to get out of the tub and in to jammies. I will finish this post after books and bed and family prayer (via phone with Dad at work).

May Photo Update

My kids don't like to pose for pictures.

I know, right?

First kids ever.

(I jest).

Because of this,

I don't like to take photos.

And....

I usually forget to.

But Chris's mom sent the cutest Sunday clothes for the boys.

Clearly snapping a few digital photos and emailing them to the giver is our modern day "Thank You" card....

or my modern day Thank You card....

or just posting it on my blog instead....

(I am so lame).

THANK YOU TRUDY!

(Just pretend everyone takes their pictures out back by their grill.)

She also mailed Indian Jones hats and bags.

(You have no idea what this means to my boys.)

...

.....

Naturally, this caused a need to explore.

(Andy had a hat and bag too, but I was carrying them)

Yay for May!

Today

True or False?

1.When Nate's friend tried to persuade Andy to stay in his room while said friend and Nate went down to the basement to play (so they could play alone), I overheard Nate say, "Declan, Andy is my braaaaw- thur. That means we are best buddies" and then put his arm around Andy's shoulder and said, "Come on Andy, you can come to the basement with us".

2. I found a suspicious puddle on the stairs that I am pretty sure is pee.

3. While squatting on the kitchen table Andy exclaimed, "there's pee-pee on the table, Mom". Sure enough, there was.

4. Nate asked me to sing the Star Wars theme and then , after I "passed", the Indiana Jones theme. He started to sing along with me with a huge smile on his face. So glad I had brothers so I know this stuff.

5.. Tonight as we were baking dinner and cookies for Chris (which we were then going to take up to him) Nate asked, "Sooo..... does Dad live at work now?" Though I choked on my words and my heart stopped, I calmly smoothed things over by replying, " No, he comes home every night and goes right in to your room. Tucks you in. And kisses you and Andy. The he stands there for a minute and just watches you guys because he missed you so much all day.

All true.

(and don't tell Chris about the dad living at work thing. It would break his heart)

Sick Day

Nate got sick on Easter and passed it to Andy by the end of last week who was just diagnosed yesterday with double ear infection and strep throat.

Needless to say, we have been lounging the last week.

Pajamas.

Jammies.

Popsicles.

Every night when I tuck them in and read them stories (and I have been sleeping in there because Nate was throwing up in the night and Andy has been crying most of the night) they say to me,

"Your the best mom ever!"

"No! You're the best mom ever EVER!"

and so on and so on.

It makes me feel good.

But I am not sure how we are going to get back to reality when all is said and done...