I don't care who you are, that's funny right there

Here is why I always travel with a change of clothes for the boys in a zip lock bag.

Or usually do.

It's Saturday night.

The boys have allowance money burning a hole in their pocks.

We decide to walk up to the game store at the mall (which conveniently sells Legos)

Almost there.

Andy declares he has to poop.

No surprise there.

We tell him we are almost there and he can go potty at the mall.

"Okay".

Not wanting to push our luck and get all the way to the mall bathrooms we stop at the first store we pass, Kohl's.

Kohl's customer service, this is not your lucky day.

Or mine.

We enter the stall.

I start to pull down Andy's shorts only to find them caked with poop.

Not a good sign.

Next I peel his undies off of him and you know what I found in there.

I think I started saying something like, "ahhhh ahhh oh man Andy! Andy! Andy!"

I think Andy said something like, "there's poop!"

(and of course, the stalls are full of people)

After the initial panic I kick in to mom-mode.

I take off his shoes.

Peel off the shorts.

Peel off the undies (which caused poop to spread all the way down to his ankle. There was so much and it was all over, there was no clean way to get about this.)

I set the undies on top of the shorts as to not get poop all over the floor too.

Unfortunately, my precautions were needless. Andy had bumped into the wall and toilet multiple times as he balanced on one leg while I undressed him.

Poop everywhere.

And he says he has to poop still.

Seriously?!

I quickly put him on the toilet.

Oh no!

I hadn't wiped Andy off!

Now the toilet is COMPLETELY covered in poop.

I tell Andy to STAY THERE!

Luckily, one of those unfortunate bistanders in the bathroom was a Kohl's employee. I asked her to have Chris paged back here. (I wonder if she had pieced together what was going on).

Chris came back.

"GO BUY UNDIES AND SHORTS!"

(I forgot to add "on sale")

Ugh! Remember how I always pride myself in carrying extra emergency clothes for the boys in a plastic ziplock for occasions just as such.

Not today.

Okay.

Go team.

Done pooping (no, there was not actually any left in him)

At least I brought my baby wipes.

Scrub Andy from the waste down.

Use 1/2 a package of wipes.

He's clean.

Nate delivers the goods.

Get Andy dressed.

Send him out with Nate.

I tossed Andy's old undies in the garbage and his shorts in the Kohl's bag

(after I rinsed them out in the sink- super gross, I know. Sorry Kohl's janitorial service. I did wipe out the sink with 3 baby wipes though).

I will be honest.

I contemplated just leaving right then.

Leaving that poop bomb for someone else to deal with.

But I couldn't.

I went to work scrubbing the walls, toilet and floor of that stall with the other 1/2 of that baby wipes package.

I don't think I will ever go in to one of the "small stalls" again. It is so hard to maneuver in emergency situations such as this in a tiny 3x4 space. Totally not your fault you bumped in to every surface spreading your poop everywhere, Andy. THESE STALLS ARE TOO SMALL!

When I was satisfied with my cleaning job, I washed my hands and tossed the Kohl's bag back to Chris.

I needed to go potty (not that kind).

And no, I did not use that stall.

Oh, and it get's better.

When I came out of the bathroom for the final time Chris points to the floor.

A big brown glop.

"Is that..."?

"yeah and people keep stepping in it"

sure enough there were track marks all over the store.

I thought about getting the wipes back out but Chris told me he notified Customer Service.

I asked if he told them what it was.

He said no

I said "then let's get out of here"

And we followed the poop tracks back to the door.

(The reason it was the best decision to go to Kohl's... what would I have done if we were in the food court bathroom?.... I didn't even have a blanket to wrap his naked bum in... I guess I could have used my scarf...)